Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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