i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
