The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
