Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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