Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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