you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
