I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
