The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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