I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
