Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
