They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
