im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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