Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
