if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
