I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
