just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
