She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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