Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
