If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
