Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
