Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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