i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
