my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
