Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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