Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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