Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Terrible idea I love it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
