they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
