I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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