I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
