when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
