I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
