who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
