I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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