Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
