38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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