I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
