this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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