I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
