Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
