I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
