Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
