please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
