since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
