So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
