you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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