Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
