I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
