Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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