the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
