I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
