It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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