They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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