somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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